Where?
by Mortal Elf
Summary: Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam are all completely drunk and go home-or is it home?


Hi this is my first and probably last Lord of the Rings fanfiction. It's set in a time when the War of the Ring hasn't happened, but some things, like Sam's kids names, are still the same.  
  
"Another drink Merry?" "Ye- oh no I haven't got any money left. What about you? " No I was hoping you'd have some. Frodo, Sam what about you?" " Nope sorry Pip, I'm completely broke." " So am I" Pippin sighed. " Home we go then."  
  
They left the pub singing and dancing, nearly wetting themselves when Merry slipped and ended up in the flowers lining the pub garden. They said goodbye by the pub gate and turned their separate ways.  
  
When Pippin got home he found the house all shut up. Guessing that Diamond had already gone to bed, he snuck into the kitchen for a midnight feast.  
  
Merry walked up the garden path whistling and dancing. He opened the door and turned left to go into the kitchen and walked straight into a cupboard door. He shook himself and turned thinking that he was obviously too drunk to remember the way around the house. Stumbling he headed for what he thought was the bathroom.  
  
Sam swayed drunkenly down the road towards home. It had been a good evening. Fatty Bolger had drunk so much that he had to be carried home in a makeshift carrier that The Gaffer and Otho Proudfoot had made. He hoped that there would be some food at home.  
  
Frodo dreamily swung open the garden gate and wandered up the path. The incident with Fatty Bolger had been hilarious. He pushed open the front door and walked to the bedroom. 'CRASH'. Stumbling, he looked round to see what he had bumped into. It was an umbrella stand. Wondering why on earth he didn't recognise it, he made his way slowly towards a door like shape in the corner. The drink must have muddled his sense of direction he thought, because he could have sworn that it was on the left before.  
  
Pippin found plenty of food in the larder when he got to the kitchen. There was cheese, ham, cake and tomatoes, among other things.  
  
"Is that..." said Pippin, as he delved deeper into one of the cupboards. "MUSHROOMS!" 'I must be more drunk than I thought,' said Merry to himself, as he crashed into a cupboard for the fifth time. 'I'm suprised I haven't woken Estella up, with all the noise I've been making. He slowly walked back towards his bedroom.  
  
Sam was disappointed. What had happened to all those tomatoes he had grown? And he was sure Rosie had said that there was some ham and cheese in the cupboard. And those lovely mushrooms! All that was there was some old bread and apples. He had a small snack, then made his way quietly to bed. As he was passing another bedroom door which he presumed was the children's, he wondered why he couldn't hear Elanor and Frodo sleeping. Frodo's snoring could wake the trees in the Old Forest, and Elanor talked more in her sleep than when she was awake. Which wasn't saying much, mind you. But tonight they couldn't be heard. Sam guessed that they were so tired from running about that they were in a deep sleep. He opened the bedroom door and, without bothering to change, he fell asleep straight away.  
Frodo was confused. He kept bumping into things he didn't recognise, or that he was sure hadn't been there before. He knew that there was something strange going on, but his brain was too fuddled too figure it out. Thinking that it was probably just Merry or Pippin 'tidying' again, which really meant moving things around so that Frodo couldn't find them. He staggered into his room (He'd knocked his head on a few cupboards when he was trying to find his way around the house, coupled with the drink and you can imagine he wasn't feeling too good) and dropped into bed, falling asleep immediately.  
  
Pippin couldn't have eaten another thing if someone had promised him a lifetime's worth of mushrooms. He slowly made his way towards the bedroom and was soon soundly asleep (Not without tripping over the edge of a carpet on the way)  
  
'That's funny' thought Merry, as he passed the hall. 'I'm sure that's Frodo's umbrella.' But all thoughts soon passed out of his mind when he walked into the dresser. 'Ouch' was his last thought before he fell soundly asleep at next to it.  
  
"Frodo Baggins, what do you think you are doing?! "Uhh, what?" Frodo sat up and looked around his room. But this wasn't his room. This was...he searched his fuddled memory...Pippin's room. And Diamond Took was now looking at him, trying to look furious but barely hiding her amusement. "How drunk did you get last night?" She asked, a smile playing across her face. "Because you seem to have ended up in the wrong house." "So if I'm here, where's Pippin?", grinned Frodo.  
  
Where was Pippin? Here's how his morning started: "Mummy, Daddy." Called a tousle haired Frodo Gamgee, ambling into the bedroom. "Uncle Pippin! What are you doing here?" "Huh? What? Wait a minute. Why am I here?" A confused Pippin rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He then became aware that Rosie was crying... no wait, laughing. "Alright, could someone tell me why I'm here? And where's Sam?"  
  
Sam was trying to calm Estella, who had been so terrified that she had screamed when she saw him, waking him with a shock. She seemed to be alright now though, in fact she was laughing! Sam still wasn't sure why he was there though, so he tried to make some sense out of what Estella said.  
  
Now, I expect you're thinking 'Merry must be at Bag End.' However, Bag End is empty. So where could he be? Well, when Lobelia Sackville-Baggins found him crumpled up by the dresser, her scream could have reached the orcs of Mordor. She grabbed an umbrella (One of Frodo's, that she had pinched when she took the spoons) and chased him out the door. He ran to the gate of Bag End, where he met Frodo, Sam and Pippin. Sam said "Next time we get completely drunk, could someone who doesn't eat as much as Pippin go to my house. Those were my best mushrooms!"  
  
I know that it's very unbelievable and very cliché, but I like it, and please review because it makes me happy. 


End file.
